Flying
by LittleIsa
Summary: What will happen to Ran when he can't accept the changes in his life anymore? Will he take the final step off the edge? (One-shot I did while trying to work on Angel Project)


Disclaimer: I don't own them.  
  
Isa: I can't think and I have had terrible writer's block, but this was just bugging me to write it. It's just a short little one-shot.   
  
Schu: Kinda like you.  
  
Isa: What?  
  
Schu: It's short, like you! *snickers*  
  
Isa: _  
  
Schu: I love to annoy her! *grins*  
  
Kami: *threatens Schu with gigantic mallet* Remember this?  
  
Schu: ... *twiddles thumbs*  
  
Isa: Anyway, I hope you like...  
  
*  
  
I took my love and I took it down  
Climbed a mountain and I turned around  
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills  
'til the landslide brought it down  
  
Oh, mirror in the sky...What is love?  
Can the child within my heart rise above?  
Can I sail through the changin'...ocean tides  
Can I handle the seasons of my life?  
I don't know...I don't know  
  
Well I've been afraid of changin'  
because I've built my life around you...  
  
  
  
-Flying-  
  
  
  
Who knows when the problems started?  
  
Then again, can anyone tell me why I could never fix them?  
  
As I stand here looking over the edge, those questions still echo in my mind. But even after all of these years I still don't have the answer, just more questions. When did my life change? When did my old life fade away, leaving nothing but a killer in its wake? Why did I let this life consume me to the point that I felt this was the only option that I had left? That there was no escape but this, my broken mind, broken dreams broken life...and me. Broken, everything in this life is so broken and no matter what I do it will never be fixed. Please...anyone tell me so I can go back and fix it, when did all of this start? This downward spiral that had led to this...  
  
It could have started long ago, back when I still had my mother and my father. Things were so much simpler back then, I still had my innocence and the love of those around me. I was cared for by other and taken care of, I felt...needed. But everything changes with time, so why did I expect my life to be any different? I was foolish to believe that nothing would ever change; my family would always be there.   
  
Nothing in this world is solid...nothing lasts forever.  
  
I still remember my family, when all of us were together and happy. My father was a good man, successful, kind...I loved him. He always told me that people had the freedom to choose, that freewill was the most important thing a person could have. With freewill and a good heart one person could change the world. Perhaps it was high ideals, but I wanted to believe him. I would go to the airport with my family as my father would go off on another business trip, I was proud of him. I wanted to fly away like he did, doing good in the world and come home knowing that I had changed something...just fly away.   
  
I wanted to be like him, be a good person and know he was proud of me. Father, are you proud of me now? Could you even look at me in the eyes if you knew what I had become? I can barely look at myself in the mirror and my hands; they are so bloodstained that they will never come clean. I have become the monster that hides in the shadows, waiting for the next person to walk into my trap. Waiting for the blood to spill, once again staining my hands crimson. But as I stand here I can't help but think...why?  
  
Was I bad? Is that why everything was taken away from me and I was made into this? If I went back in time and redid everything I had done would I still have my family? Would being good have changed my destiny? Could I have my family back once again, that security that made me feel so safe?   
  
It's a foolish thought, I know that I can never go back and change the past. I know that what happened wasn't my fault, but I wanted things to be different. I never wanted to become what I am, a murderer. Weiss, hunters that destroy those who would destroy the innocent...innocents like my family. We are the light in the darkness, but that light has been tainted scarlet red. It runs with the blood of every person that has ever fallen by my hand and I can't change it.   
  
How may lives have been destroyed because of me? How many families have been destroyed because of me? All the children's lives that I had destroyed, they will never see their mother or father again. Sure, they were the beasts that destroyed many lives...but they were children's mothers and fathers. I took them away, just like my family was taken away.  
  
I never wanted to hurt anyone, didn't plan on needing anyone either. I tried to cut myself off from the world so I could never be hurt again, but then there was Weiss. The three people that I had to depend on with my life. Why did you care? Why try to pull me in to what you had made? Why try and save my soul? I never did anything for you but the three of you wouldn't give up on me. The funny things is I still don't know why...  
  
It all started here, it started on this roof all those years ago. Back when I still believed I had a purpose in this world. When I still had a mission in life and a target that had a face. I was lonely, I was lost...I needed something...but I would never tell you that. What did you see in my eyes? What made you care?  
  
Wasn't the mask I wore enough? I didn't want to care about any of you; I just wanted to push you far away. Everyone that I loved was destroyed in one form or another, I couldn't assure your safety. Why couldn't you just leave me alone, let me suffer in silence. No, the three of you couldn't and this is what as become of that.   
  
No, it wasn't their fault! Never them, they were the one thing that kept me sane! How could I ever blame my weaknesses on them? My inability to change? To accept that when everything is over and done with, that I don't know how to accept this?   
  
I should have never depended on anyone!  
  
I don't need anyone!  
  
I can't want anyone!  
  
So why do I wish they were here to stop me?   
  
Did Omi even wonder why I wanted to go for a walk this late at night?  
  
If Yohji had been home would he have been annoying as always, pestering me about my destination?  
  
Aya, so far away now...I took care of you for so long. Will you care?  
  
What about Ken? My Ken...the one person who actually made me love again. What are you going to do when I'm gone? Are you going to hate me when I have left this world and you are alone in it? Am I deserting you like my family deserted me? Did I ever tell you how much I did love you?   
  
I can't help but laugh at that thought. Saying how much I love Ken as I stand on the edge of a building. As I stand here, just one step away from ending my life and leaving this fucked up world. All because I can't change...no because I don't want to change anymore! This world has asked to much of me, taken so much away from me! I was stable, I was happy...none of them cared if my hands were stained because theirs were as well. Ken didn't care that my soul had been beaten, because the world had beaten his down too!  
  
But to take away Weiss from me?  
  
To take away this world from us?  
  
No, we weren't happy killing but it was the life we were used to and we trusted one another. They were everything to me...no I didn't need people but I wanted to need them. I needed them to need me and I believe that they did need me.  
  
So why am I standing here looking out over the city, one step away from ending my life?  
  
Because I can't stand it anymore, everything is finally catching up to me. I can't fight anymore and I can't stop the memories either. I don't want to think...to feel...to want and need. No! I don't want any of that! I just want everything over! Kritiker wants to dissolve Weiss and I can't take that anymore, it's the last straw! It's the one thing that I thought I would never hear. I thought that when I joined Kritiker it was kill or be killed. I thought I would be with them forever, till death took us from one another. But now they are even taking that from me.   
  
I don't need people!  
  
I can't need people!  
  
I can't live like this!  
  
But...Ken?  
  
My Ken.  
  
But he is strong, he can go on without me...he doesn't really need me.   
  
Everything in the world has to move on sooner or later. I just can't do it anymore, I won't do it anymore! Its just one step, one small movement and all of this will end where it began. I can rest and I won't have all these questions in my head anymore. No more confusion, no more regret…no more pretending that I don't need people.   
  
That I don't need them, when I really do.  
  
One step and I can do what I always wanted to do when I was a child...I can fly, fly away from all of this.  
  
I'm sorry...  
  
But will you be happy?  
  
Will you be happy for me?  
  
Ken  
  
I loved you.  
  
But now I'm free...  
  
I'm free...I'm flying...  
  
  
Across Town  
  
"So that is that." Manx said, looking up at the three Weiss. "We need at least one team to stay on, the four of you work so well together that Persia wants it to be you."  
  
Omi smiled, looking at Ken. "That will make Ran happy, I know he was upset at the thought of us being disbanded."  
  
"Yes." Ken said, looking down at the youngest Weiss. "He wasn't happy but this will make him feel much better!" The brunette smiled, thinking about the man he was in love with. It had taken him a long time to get Ran to open up to him, but he felt that his effort was well worth it. Looking up at the redhead before him she saw that she was happy as well.  
  
"I am very glad that Persia made this decision, the four of you really are the best we have." There was a pause, and then she frowned. "Where is Ran?"  
  
The eldest Weiss shrugged. "According to Ken here, he went for some walk or something."  
  
Ken nodded agreeing with the man sitting across from them. "Yes, he should be home any time now."  
  
"Very well, just give me a call when he comes home so I know you are all still in."  
  
They nodded, watching her walk out of the room.  
  
"I hope he gets home soon!" Omi said, jumping up as he ran upstairs. "He's going to be so happy!  
  
Yohji shook his head as they both watched the youngest of them going up the stairs. "Yeah as happy as anyone can be when they find out that they are still killers."  
  
"Oi, Yohji don't be so blah about it! You know you're just as happy as we are."  
  
He couldn't help but smile at the brunette. "Yeah, yeah...you can tell your lover the wonderful news."  
  
"When he gets home." Ken answered, looking up at the clock. "I wonder where he is..."  
  
The End  
  
  
  
Isa: Well that was depressing...  
  
Ran: I...jumped? O_O  
  
Ken: *whimpers and grabs Ran* Promise me you will never do that in real life!!  
  
Ran: I wouldn't, I'm not that deranged. Though Isa-chan seems to think I am! -_____-  
  
Isa: Yeah, just blame it on the innocent, cute one! *pouts*  
  
Schu: Ah, Isa-chan...you -wrote- the story?!  
  
Isa: *glares* You just don't know when to be silent, do you?  
  
Schu: ^________^  
  
Isa: *sighs* Please Review... 


End file.
